It was a nightmare. Ironically, my mother was always pegged as the “crazy” one, with her children thoroughly indoctrinated to hate her by my father. As soon as my daughter was born and my sister saw her at my parents’ house, she became pregnant the very next month. It nearly broke me apart. There appears to be this dynamic occurring where she takes the best before I can get there and I am left with what she does not want or value. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com, Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D. Thank you. Everyone was happy and will never forget life in “The Bush” of the Yukon-Alaska territories. Things are tense and she feels I’m in the wrong for this. What is even worse is that my daughter is being told stories by her that always make me wrong and while my daughter says she does not believe them, I believe the information is going into her subconscious mind and that she has been conditioned in my family to blame and disrespect me… sadly, my daughter is also the Golden Child favoured by my ex-husband and also displays narcissistic characteristics while my son, also rejected and scapegoated by his father tends to play the “patsy” role – is very generous and taken advantage of…. Fortunately for me, in spite of a horrific family of origin (and ‘friend’ who was actually a psychopath), I lived my young life (in my 20s) during the 1970s. In addition to this, she made a Freudian slip that day she assaulted me. They are bullies without conscience or limits. Luckily, there were many accusations that were blatantly untrue and considered absurd by witnesses, but the damage will always be there. My younger sister who gets married in a couple of weeks has been the biggest bridezilla and told me , only me and no other guests to her wedding, what I can and cant wear on the day. Now she is trying to steal my house under the pretense that I am mentally ill…(I suffer from anxiety & depression) but I am definitely not incompetent! I have experienced her completely distorting reality including telling my parents I was screaming at her when in fact, she had been screaming at me. I was beat up by a correctional officer for begging for a menstrual pad. It took me 2 1/2 years to grieve their loss. Seems to me that all it is very toxic for you. She enjoyed taunting me with what she managed to pull off. . My sister has gone to incredible lengths to destroy my reputation, contacting friends, relatives, and neighbors to spread lies and malicious rumors about me. My narc mother has made one narc sister (who hates me regardless) the executor of her will. My mom, who also doesnt speak to my older sister/twin due to them being extremely judgmental. If You Are Drawn to People with Narcissistic Qualities, Be Clear About Why. Little did I know, she just came down here to “help herself”. Two days after my father died, on the day I was packed and ready to go back home, my younger sister physically assaulted me. The last time I talked with my niece on the phone she was so rude and well, snotty. Unknown to me, she had earlier called the police and falsified that she saw me push my mother. I can only take comfort in knowing they never discovered what a vile person she is. My mother has played the damsel in dustress her entire life, the perpetual, suffering victim. Holy cow. Should I be sad by it or consider it a blessing that I don't have to have a relationship with her therefore? Then I found out from my Dads 2nd Wife that the debts were cleared by them. Unfortunately I was cornered into reacting a few weeks ago. Emotional enmeshment with my other siblings is in full swing with the advent of texting and social media– she has taken over the mother role, and relishes pointing that out to our own mother at any opportunity. (These were P.O.D. Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 As a narcissist ages, their behaviour gets more abusive as their sense of entitlement and jealousy grows. My ex-sister had a restraining order against me & she was in MY HOUSE! Neither of them have considered my feelings and what a complete outcast they have made me feel in all of this. My parents took it as gospel, and nothing I could say would dissuade them from believing these posts, which my sister sent them “anonymously”, and which were utter fabrications invented by my sister to get back at me for forwarding the message to them in which she said she had every right to judge me, and questioned my manhood for not calling her enough. I chose to go no contact a few years ago due to their abusive behaviour but was brought back in to the dysfunctional dynamic when my father died and I am now co-executor with my sister to the will. I came across this site and found that my sister perfectly fit the description of a narcissist. Thanks for this post! We had a couple of cook-out get-togethers over the past 40-odd years. She is mother’s echo. Since I had beer on my breath they believed her story & I was thrown in jail for 38 hours. I would never allow my daughter to talk that way to anyone. I doubt it. For a number of years, she has been accusing me of being paranoid (blaming it on a medication that I am on for my neurological illness). They steal your friends or your girl/boy friend. The blinders are off. A narcissistic parent will pit the golden child against the non-narcissistic children. I honestly always thought I was the problem because I certainly had problems. As the spouse of a narcissist, I need to be strong and educate the people around me about narcissistic emotional abuse so that they might never fall prey and never feel my pain. Its ridiculous how much energy she had spent her entire life trying to ruin mine. But, at the same time, it allows them to extract copious amounts of narcissistic supply. She took it down but she also deleted and blocked me from her public account. My youngest Sister was downright cruel to me & most of the family. Thankful I found this site. Unfortunately, she has some random ways in which is is able to hoover my child when I am not around. Not just minerals/gold/silver, but in asbestos mines, without much danger. I’ve been watching her rewrite history for more than a year; now, both parents were abusive and her whole upbringing was abusive. If your sister and you have a narcissist parent (or both), compare their behavior. My older sister and mother always shut me out. Thank you for all the great articles, the validation and permission to break free. She wants to have someone who will do everything she says without any question.We all know that it is normal for children to separate from their parents in a certain moment. There seems to be a real lack of information about narcissistic siblings on the web. My sister is mean with my daughter — doesn’t acknowledge her birthday, Christmas, special events, and if our daughters were playing together in the past, my sister always stepped in to make sure my daughter played whatever/however her daughter wanted. She doesn’t even realize that by causing the biggest betrayal I have ever endured she have me the greatest gift of my life, total freedom. My younger sister who gets married in a couple of weeks, has told me , only me and no other guests to her wedding, what I can and cant wear on the day. You’re asking tips way in advance to your father’s funeral and strategy… Cold fact, as it seems to me that such people are not any family. Cannibals everywhere. And lately, she’s been spending nights searching me out on the Internet, trying to find any any every place I’ve hidden myself from her to try and get away from her narcissistic abuse. Your email address will not be published. One of their many ways of letting me know that I wasn’t as good as they were. . But, once again she’s turned against me. My youngest Sister & an older Brother were the worst. What a thrilling experience…a life of unparalleled freedom and adventure. I have to miss school to join family holidays but when she comes to visit me in my country she spends most of the time doing her own modelling work out here and I barely see her as she would rather go out meeting strange men she found on tinder. You’re living only once!! While she was there, she tried to lure my Fiance to come collect my animals (my ex-sister knew that sending a 3rd party to the house would be a breach of the restraining order & would be thrown in jail again. My pschologist is pleased that I have stood up to her however I still feel bad , but I think this is because for the past 40 years I have bowed down to her dictating behaviourt and this is really the first time that I have stood up for myself. it is a horrid dynamic that fosters bitterness, anger and resentment and keeps us divided. Of course it will be difficult moving forward as our parents are aging and I will have to interact with him on future decisions concerning them. I took off with a newly found male friend whom I had met in Montreal on his way to the Yukon Territory. Some forums can only be seen by registered members. She withdrew $2000 2 days after landing. When the impulse rises in them to strike out, they do, without a second thought. Mother is so obsessed with this child that she puts no limits on her. They are bullies without conscience or limits. My sister and mother wouldn’t allow it. Especially since creepy comments have been made. I had no idea that by just living my life we were in a constant competition and every good thing that happened to me ( my husband telling her how much he loved me, having three children, one being the girl she craved but never had) was causing a fury to grow inside her that led her to want to destroy my life . I’m exhausted by it all. They are bullies without conscience or limits. She was Power of Attorney & I was the primary caregiver. Each dancing snake is coiled — ready to spew deadly venom. In trying to process everything, I found this website ….and finally some relief. while others populate Alaska (most of them in Anchorage), others are in British Columbia, and still others moved to Europe (Switzerland). I’m thankful this site is here to help others cope with the hurt caused by the narcissists in their lives. To explain how these connection contracts work, Malkin uses one of his former clients -- a man whose narcissistic sister frequently berated him and insulted his intelligence -- as an example. Young children believe this kind of lie and experience a deeper terror. When the impulse rises in them to strike out, they do, without a second thought. While I am not happy to see all of these post from others like myself, it is somewhat nice to know that I am not alone. Wow I don’t know what to do. I spent so much time and energy trying to prove my unconditional love for her and every time I was hurt beyond reason. It is an ever escalating pattern of inexplicable contempt, disparaging comments, yelling and palpable hate towards me and my husband. Personally, I would suggest getting some quality professional help with a respected counselor/therapist to explore a decision that you are satisfied with, but it seems that you are already in the process in acting on a decision. * Does she usually make you confused? Because I was her caregiver). But I thought if it was possible for her to have the love of grandparents it would be something wonderful that I never experienced. I am very learly of medicine, people who know me know I barely even take a Tylenol much less anything else. I think with my sister, the pain in realizing that she was not trustworthy was the worst. I went no contact with my entire birth family after that. Now, though, three years later I am the most peaceful, most joyous, absolutely the happiest I have EVER been. She did this to me for THIRTY + YEARS to get back at her own mother/our mother on daddy’s behalf, I wouldn’t put it past her for one moment. I was on the receiving end of his abuse physically as a child and verbally/emotionally as adults. I have created this protective shell and I dont know how to let love in because I dont trust myself to find the right person. I declined, not wanting to stoop to her level. She made a pass at every boyfriend I had. Consult a professional. Someone actin’ this way to another sister! I believe that if we are healthy and live life to the full; if we can interdependently pursue hobbies, education, social situations, and careers vigorously with both our partners and independently then we can truly enjoy life which sets us up to best deal with conflict, as in your case with your brothers when it arises. I’ve been grappling with the decision to cut ties with my sister. Today I prayed. Nobody else has lives! My Narcissistic Sister Hates Me I hear this comment quite often from those who go through the torment and cruelty of having a narcissistic sister. I think we must be related to the same sister. I won’t go into the details (after trying so hard to forget) so I’ll just say that after my parents’ deaths I discovered my sister had carried out a plan to steal my share of a large inheritance. My narcissistic son is 38 and married to a highly neurotic woman who he has turned against me. I don’t recognise my sister, haven’t done for years, slowly her modelling image took over her personality and is unbearable to confront when there is an issue. And so many other things she has done that I would run out of space before I could list them! Merciless, Greedy Narcissistic Spouse Cannot Love You, Narcissists Leave Their Families in Psychological, Emotional and Financial Turmoil. It was 1975, a special and awareness awakening year for many (as this year is often quoted by others as a renewed sense of ‘other’ (beyond our upbringings, beyond established religion or ‘norms’ at the time). only this time I recognized what was happening. I am constantly second-guessing myself in terms of my narcissistic sister- and mother-in-law, thinking, “They couldn’t be that bad,” but I know they really are. My psychologist is pleased that I have stood up to her, however I still feel bad , but I think this is because for the past 40 years I have bowed down to her dictating behaviour and this is really the first time that I have stood up for myself. I was called to co e out and there we were, the three of us together for an entire week in the same house, after 30 years of very limitrd contact. It was very hard living in a family with so many of them. She continued to abuse me & I kept the peace until my Dad died. Some of them literally leave with a small suitcase and a little cash and seek out friends they can stay with. Never forget that. She is very difficult to talk to or confront about anything. Perhaps it became more apparent when my own family started treating me that way as well on a regular basis. I am just only learning to heal. They are deceitful liars and thieves who always did their best to hold me back and keep me down because they see my love as a weakness and use it as a tool. The narcissistic sister tells her little sibling that if she says anything to anyone about the cruel games they have played on her—she will be sent away and will never come back to her family. I don’t know if my sister treats her like a narcissistic equal or treats her poorly. Her many masks are grandly displayed and highly convincing. My mother is psychologically fused with my sister and doesnt see her wrong doing in any of this so I actually feel betrayed by her too, which has caused a rift in my relationship with her. Thanks for this post. My life will change now. My sister flew down from Jersey to Florida to help prepare for my Ma’s Death. I’m sorry for your situation, but glad I’m not the only one who has to deal with this. My husband is a narcissist and I find that the best we get–right now–is cycles of loving behavior alternating with times of unpredictable cruel and dismissive behavior … and the blowups are truly not related to what I do or don’t do, my attitude or anything having to do with me. I realised years ago that was down to him not liking people in the family having skills. Yesterday she had me. Reading your post was just exactly like me writing mine. I had a narcissistic Dad, 2 Sisters & 2 Brothers to contend with. She went absolutely ballistic on me and called 911. I just turned 60 and am JUST discovering what my 3 older sisters are. It is what has brought me through many things and will continue to sustain me, no matter what! In fact, much money could be made working at mining companies located in towns ending in ‘Creek’. “Do they act the same?” is the question you need to be answered to know that. Her modelling has gotten worse and worse, she recently got a breast enlargement and loves showing them off. I chose to focus on hr,oing my father be as co fortable as possibke and kill them with kindness. . When i discovered that she was tampering with the bank accounts i calmly asked her to tell me what is happening. Now she’s manipulated his Daughter in Law, who has now stopped contact with me. Everyone is intimidated by her. Criticism. She was my fathers Golden Child while I was the scapegoat – and endured many years of abuse so severe I developed Dissociative Identity Disorder, which I have recovered from. I’ve recently discovered that she’s privately e-mailing my husband, telling him I’m crazy, abusive, narcissistic, out to ruin his life. Her real concern is with how she can manipulate other people to get what she wants and still look fabulous in the process. My only question now is which unfortunate child in the next generation will be designated “IT”. It will be hard, but worth it in the end. From the time they were very young they knew that their older or younger sister detested them and wished they had never been born. We live in fort lee right now and my husband, Bobby (30 this year) has just had his 3rd spine surgery and now awaiting the promotion board (he is in the army) and finding out when we will be moving. They are constantly projecting the toxic contents of their unconscious on to those who have no power over them. Telephone Consultation: International Yet at the same time we are close. The pathologically ill narcissist cares about gaining power regardless of the consequences. DANGEROUS! But I don’t know how to deal with her personality pushing decisions on me, and treating me bad. She told the police she acted in defense of our mother. He has been abusive and hateful to me most of his life, well starting around 11 years. But, it is very difficult to tell it to a parent who is narcissistic. It’s empowering ourselves to make decisions. I would suggest keeping your boundaries up, and practice saying “no” with a therapist, husband, work colleagues and friends. Throughout childhood, I was her little spy, telling her all the juicy tidbits she wanted to know about my parents, or stuff about the other kids who were still at home. Sandra, you will get there, I promise. I’m always giving in to her. I had been raised to acknowledge and respect her as a substitute mother, quite literally. As one narcissistic client told me: “People are very interchangeable for me. My father abused me as a child and yet my younger sister has kept in touch with him , she would constantly talk of how ” wonderful ” he is to me, knowing full well that he abused me and also went to prison for raping a 13year old girl. My mother is psychologically fused with my sister and doesnt see her wrong doing in any of this so I actually feeel betrayed by her too which has caused a rift in my relationship with her. Thank you so much for sharng your experience. . Even as small children the narcissistic sister may even try to smother the little one. Toxic people destroy everything in their path, it doesn’t matter if you are a family member or not. My sister always said that she didn’t want kids. Financial, Career, or Legal Trouble – From rule breaking, gross irresponsibility, careless indulgence, … No contact, cards or anything. I have gone no contact with my family and it is very hard. My mom has signs of NPD as well. I was never the problem! By now, the lies and serious betrayals have happened so long, it has become painfully but liberatingly obvious. I could hear them resume their conversation before I got more than 3 steps out of the door of the room. When he turned on me though, my mother and sister started confiding in me that my brother had been treating them bad for years. This is the second part of the post about narcissistic sisters and the extraordinary cruelties and treacheries they endure. It must have taken her years to implement this plan, all while pretending to care about me and my family. I have felt like I was the only one and somehow crazy that my sister and mother had fused together and made it their mission to destroy my life. I requested time off work so that I could spend time with her when she arrived, only for her to literally no-show, with no call, no apology, nothing. Breaking all contact with my parents was the most liberating thing I have ever done. They both have a knack of hurting me and then dismissing my hurt and try to turn everything around so that the ” golden sister” looks like shes the innocent one , when she isnt. She then tells me when things are good that she loves me more than herself and wants the best for me and I told her not to say that. But in a way it’s been very liberating to be free of my sister and I have no regrets. I also hate the double standard in my family – I was only allowed to borrow money and pay back every cent while she was given a vehicle dad paid for for 7 years… and which she took when he died, having the estate pay for the insurance, and repairs while I received nothing…. There is no ‘one size fits all’ way to deal with a narcissistic sister, as each individual will be different, with different levels of toxicity. The abuse is the family’s best kept secret. I have learned that my sister manifests the same narcissistic qualities and is just as abusive to me verbally and emotionally as my late father was. Unfortunately, I’ve experienced circumstances that have endangered my life, and it woke me up to what there was to loose, especially relationally. Wonder if Twain knew a real, dyed-in-the-wool narcissist? Barrow, Alaska…back then global warming had not manifested itself but undoubtedly was ‘in the works’ (but not to human consciousness). I turned the other cheek so my father could die in peace. The hurt of the lies she has told family and used me has been very hard for me to handle as she is my little sister and every time she rang and needed me or her kids i was there. I’m not sure that I can reply to you directly on this site like this, but here goes. I totally relate. . On the bright side, the relationships are completely severed and I no longer have to try to win the affection and approval of these nasty, narcissistic women. Of course, once my sister’s daughter was born, my parents never called or sent my daughter a birthday card, Christmas card, etc. Neither of them have considered my feelings and what a complete outcast they have meade me feel in all this at all. And of course, because she was their little angel (she’s my older sibling) they believed it hook, line and sinker, and I was automatically guilty, all because she gave them a sanitized version of what happened that conveniently left out any parts that would make her look bad and proved that she was the one who initiated it, and that all I was doing was standing up for myself & defending my space. Not sure what I did to deserve the vile hatred that they spew.
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